Compelling Soccer

Yesterday, I laid out my thought process in choosing a team. But while my situation maybe informative, it's not nearly as nice as a guide, clearly laying out your options.

Today, I'm happy to provide a nice handy breakdown with the pros and cons of any choice you make when selecting your team. There's no such thing as a perfect choice after all. But with this you can make the selection which works best for you.


Joining The Big Dogs: Picking the team that's winning.

Rationale: Everyone loves a winner.

Irrationale: Who would resent me? The more the merrier!

Fan Reaction: "Oh great another one. Bet he can't name four players off this team."

Integrity: None. Have you no shame sir? You earned nothing, nothing!

Jersey Purchase: Essential. Name player is also required. Positive points if you choose an obscure jersey for odd reasons.

Best Outcome: The team keeps winning for years to come. They stay on top so long that you stick around long enough people stop caring that you joined up 10 years ago because they won. This especially helps if you've taken the 10 years to learn four players off the team. Really though, you're just setting it up for your kids. They can claim they were fans for life and how their mom/dad always cared about the team. Plus, their innocence will prevent them from questioning your integrity for at least 10 years.

Worst Outcome: Team falls off and you bolt with them. Your remaining credibility is shot and all your affiliations will be questioned from here on out. I mean every one. Your friends will secretly joke you're only with your girlfriend until someone "better" comes around. Of course it's insecurity because they know you'll ditch them if given the opportunity to hang out with someone cooler. Think I'm going overboard? Remember when Lebron loved Bassy Telfair? Now he's all about Steph Curry. If I was you Steph, I'd start looking for someone a little more reliable.

Likely Outcome: Unless you're an idiot front runner who literally just took the last team that won, you'll probably get the medium. Top teams like Man U, Arsenal or stateside, the Yankees, tend to be stay on top for a while. Invariably, there will be lean years though. How you react will determine your worth as a human being.

When you're a kid picking teams is easy. Being young, dumb and impressionable, you go for who your parents like. Or if your parents aren't into sports, you pick who your friends do. Or failing that, because kids always like happy endings, you pick the winning team. You know, like LeBron James does. And then in theory, you stick with those teams forever. You know, like LeBron James did with the Yankees and Cowboys when he was growing up in the early 90's in Ohio and the Yankees were terrible.

But what happens when you are old enough to make conscious decisions with your teams? What if you actually entered the sports world as a true free agent, the ability to sign up for fandom with any team in a particular sport? What exactly do you do then? Careful how you answer, because much like an athlete when his contract is up, your decision will say more about you than you might care for it to.

For example, say you decide you want to go with the recent champion. Then it's clear who you are, front runner. You picked them because they won. Your connection is hollow, your ties shallow, much like you are as you're already likely to run off with the next pretty thing that comes your way. The die hards are on to you. You'll never get respect at games and you'll always be the unwelcome outsider; a mercenary if you will, to pad the numbers of the owners of the team who will gladly take your money for jerseys you'll stop wearing when the team drops to third.

Or perhaps do you try to buy low and join up with a lower tier team? Here you'll be much more accepted and your motives unlikely to be questioned. Your sanity maybe, but your integrity will remain pure. Enjoy that good feeling; odds are it will be the last thing you get out of that deal for a while. Your team is probably not winning any championships anytime soon and heartbreak will follow, if you are lucky. If you're unlucky, you picked the LA Clippers and are stuck rooting for unrealistic things like the best player in the league suddenly deciding to make the same mistake you did. You'll suffer or burn out. Neither is preferable.